


Flavor Like You

by alyciasdebnam



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Sanvers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 13:46:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8847382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyciasdebnam/pseuds/alyciasdebnam
Summary: Her hand that rested on the doorknob gripped it tighter, her heart telling her to stay but her head urging her to go. Maggie did not want to turn around; turn around and watch the person she loved desperately clinging onto the edge of the counter just to keep herself standing, the drops she no longer had the energy to push back leaving traces across her cheeks. She could not turn around. If she did, her heart would win."I won't come back."The door closed with a distant thud.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello i haven't written in months but sanvers made me feel some type of way so i felt inspired again!! the story is based on my perception of the song "flavor like you" by cider sky. ANYWAY hope you like it (let me know what you think if u wanna) ily

_"If you leave now, you can't come back. I need to hear you say it. I need to know you understand what you're about to do."  
_

_Her hand that rested on the doorknob gripped it tighter, her heart telling her to stay but her head urging her to go. Maggie did not want to turn around; turn around and watch the person she loved desperately clinging onto the edge of the counter just to keep herself standing, the drops she no longer had the energy to push back leaving traces across her cheeks. She could not turn around. If she did, her heart would win._

_"I won't come back."_

_The door closed with a distant thud._

Maggie did not want to remember.

The keys in her hand dug deeper into her skin as she squeezed them tighter, drops of rain mixing with the tequila lingering on her lips. Her head was cloudy, every limb tired and numb yet, with a throbbing ache, Maggie found herself wandering the dimmed streets of National City as if though that's not what she had done every Saturday night for two months. To where, she did not know. She did not care.

All Maggie seemed to know was that she wanted to be anywhere but home.

_Desperation lingered in the way Alex hovered close to her girlfriend, shaky hands reaching but not quite touching, scared that her fingers lacing around the other's arm the way she wanted to would make her crumble underneath the grip. Maggie could sense every bit of uncertainty, every silent question that disappeared in a strangled sigh whenever Alex opened her mouth, even though her back was the only thing she allowed Alex to see. Too scared to look. Too scared to let her in._

_"Talk to me. Please, Maggie, just... say anything."_

_Alex was begging, but still, Maggie could not speak. So instead, she continued to fold the black shirt resting next to the packed suitcase._

Maggie did not want to remember, but forgetting was an impossible task.

It did not matter how many shots of whatever she felt for that particular night she drank; Maggie still saw Alex everywhere, anywhere. Maggie could see her when she played pool in the bar, smirk playing Alex' lips as to remind her that ' _she'll only beat Alex the day pigs start to fly_ '. Maggie could see her when she was in bed, remember the feeling of Alex' back pressed against her stomach, tracing her fingertips across every inch of her skin as if to read her. Maggie saw her, felt her... needed her. Even though she did not want to.

Perhaps that's why being alone hurt so much.

_"Have you at any moment this past hour stopped and realized that this argument is the first conversation we've had in **weeks** that was not related to work?" Alex' voice was trembling, much like the glass resting in her hand before she found the chance to place it back down on the table._

_"It's not that simple," Maggie struggled, leaning towards the sink with her eyes squeezed shut. If she closed them hard enough, maybe she would wake up in the agonizing silence that had plagued the two for the past month instead of standing in the middle of their kitchen, trying with all her might not to fall apart in front of her girlfriend. But she could not escape. Not that time._

_"God, are you hearing yourself?!_ _" Alex scoffed, burying her face in the palms of her hands. The candles she had placed neatly on the table were burning out, smoke dissolving through the air every time one of them did. Neither of them seemed to notice._

_"I don't understand, Maggie," Alex said silently. She was not pacing anymore, her arms tightly around her torso as if though she wished they were Maggie's instead. As if she needed it more than anything. "What happened? Why are you so distant?"_

_Raindrops painted the window she looked through, darkness embracing the night outside the walls confining them. Trapping her. Suffocating her. And, oh, she needed to feel the rain against her skin._

_Maggie's shoulders dropped, releasing a breath she felt she had been holding for days. In the end, perhaps it would be for the best. For herself. For Alex._

_"I'm sorry."_

_She walked towards the bedroom, remembering the red suitcase in the back of their wardrobe._

It was like she had been walking backwards for weeks; wanting to follow the shore to where the thought she had seen the entire world hidden at the edge, but instead finding herself in the depths of a cave with no light to show her the way. Maggie had been good at pretending everything was clear, but she had never been so lost - in the world and in herself. Tangled in the desperation and need of wanting something more but not realizing it was right there in front of her. Too late to grab it and instead feeling it slip between her fingers.

National City was not known for its bad weather. And perhaps it was the familiar sensation of her jacket drenched in the drops falling on her shoulders, or the sound of leaves clinging onto their branches to not follow the wind, but Maggie remembered everything clearer than ever that night. And she continued to walk.

_The dinner was practically untouched, the bottle of wine emptied after thirty minutes of trying to pretend that nothing was wrong. Alex had made a comment about the storm. Maggie had nodded in agreement. They had both taken a sip from their glasses. Repeat._

_"I can't do this."_

_Maggie shot her head up for what seemed to be the first time since she had entered their home that night, feeling her chest squeeze and falter. Her knuckles whitened, fingers grasping her thighs knowing what was about to happen. The inevitable conversation she had been running from for a month._

_Her eyes met speckled one across the table, heart thumping painfully against her ribs. Alex drank what was left of her wine, stood up from her chair and exhaled. Her knuckles were white, too._

She had dropped her keys somewhere along the way, the palm of her hand colored red and white. The sky that had been patterned with stars was empty, a single streak of color fighting against the darkness that once held the city. Maggie could no longer taste the liquor on her lips, and her mind was no longer too blurred for her to realize where she was going.

Maggie knew exactly where she was headed, and she allowed herself to go there. For the first time, despite knowing she should not, she wanted to. She wanted to more than anything.

_They were walking on needles around each other. Or perhaps, Maggie was. Alex was just... Alex. The same, thoughtful Alex that Maggie had tripped and helplessly fallen for two years ago._

_Her girlfriend had been asking a lot of things, trying in despair to understand why things were so different. "What are you thinking about?", "How are you doing, really?", "Did anything special happen?". Maggie's answers had always been the same. "Nothing", "I'm fine, Alex", "Hard day at work, I'll be okay". Alex had accepted it for a while. Until she didn't - and they just turned from barely speaking to not speaking at all._

_She was rarely honest with herself, but Maggie was honest in not knowing how she was doing. She did not know what she thought; perhaps, she was thinking too much to actually be thinking anything at all. But she chose to not deal with it. To act like everything was okay. And whenever anyone asked, her initial reaction was to turn it into work._

_It always turned into work._

Maggie almost turned around.

The building was the same as it had been when she'd walked out two months ago, but she did not remember feeling so small. Had never experienced such an unsettling emotion rushing through every end of her nerves, leaning against the wall even though she was certain it would fall down on her. She almost turned around, but then she did not. They were so close, Maggie thought she could feel her again. That warm sensation she had been yearning for through the nights she had been convincing herself she did not need it.

But Maggie did need it; needed her, if so only for a second. And if her finger meeting a button in the elevator would bring her closer, she was going to do it. Even if her judgement was clouded and it would end up hurting her more.

Maggie did not hesitate to knock on the familiar door as soon as she reached it.

_"We're still okay, right?"_

_Alex rested on the other side of the bed, knees pressed against her chest as she searched for Maggie's eyes through the moonlit room. She was nervous; Maggie could tell by the way Alex absently nibbled her thighs until it left a blemish._

_Her lips tilted upwards, reaching out to grab her girlfriends hands before she tore her own skin apart. Alex relaxed into the touch. Maggie did not let go._

_"Of course we're okay," Maggie said softly, her thumb gently caressing the back of Alex' hand and realizing that was all the other needed._

_Convinced Alex was asleep, Maggie allowed her mind to drift, her fingers still intertwined with the ones she had spent the last two years learning to recognize only by touch._

_"And you? Are you?"_

_Maggie smiled. "I am, too."_

_She said it with such confidence she almost believed it herself._

She did not expect anyone to open; a part of her didn't want anyone to open. A closed door would give her all the answers she needed. Maggie would know she was not wanted anymore, inches tearing them apart yet chosen to be left on the other side. But twenty-three seconds passed, Maggie prepared to return to the streets and forget the entire night ever happened, and suddenly the barrier keeping them apart was no longer shut. And Alex was there.

It hit her then. Nothing had changed, yet everything was different. Alex' eyes searched for anything but her own, which Maggie had learned was something she did when she was uncomfortable. Rosy cheeks told her that Alex, much like herself, was not sober, undone hair and pale skin implying she had not been sleeping for days. Maggie knew that Alex regretted opening the door, because her fingers nibbled her arms and her jaw was clenching so roughly Maggie was scared it would break.

It hit her then; the reason she knew all these things, and why she could not forget even though she had done everything in her power to not remember.

"Why are you here?" Alex broke the silence, voice hoarse as if though she had not spoken for days. As if though she could feel the tears burning behind her eyelids and all she wanted was to lock herself back into isolation to get rid of the unwanted lump settled in her throat.

_(I need you to understand what you're about to do.)_

_(I won't come back.)_

Everything around her ceased to exist and, just for a second, Maggie felt like she was back where they left off. Floating through a space so uncommon, so frightening that she would do anything to get away from there. But she did not want to leave, afraid that it would be even scarier out there. Her eyes snapped open and everything that she had thought was painted in dull, choking colors were screaming the opposite.

"I was wrong." Skipping breaths, fingers numb, mind racing in such pace Maggie could no longer keep up. This time, she did not bother running. "I was scared. You scared me, Alex. I left thinking it would be better, that I wasn't satisfied, but I-"

_(What happened? Why are you so distant?)_

_(I'm sorry.)_

Choking. The air felt thick, and Maggie could not breathe without feeling like she was losing another part of herself every time her chest sank. She was trying, more than she had ever tried, and Alex was looking at her as if though she had never seen anything else. Maggie did not realize how much she needed to look into those eyes until they finally met hers.

"I messed up. I don't expect you to forgive me, but Alex..."

_(And you? Are you?)_

_(I am, too)_

Alex looked away again, biting the inside of her cheeks, and Maggie could not talk. The few things that seemed to make sense to her didn't anymore, her tongue dry and voice stolen by the one standing in front of her. She couldn't will herself to speak, despite every part of her aching for herself to continue.

Beams of light from the morning was finding its way through the stained windows, yet the two of them could not do anything but look at each other. Alex could walk back inside, leave Maggie the same way she had been left, but she did not. She chose the agonizing silence they had spent all their energy on trying to escape, familiar yet so unfamiliar. Maggie's knuckles, like so many times before, faded white.

"What are you trying to say?"

_"Alex, I'm sorry..."_

_"No, nevermind, I'm- it's stupid, forget about it."_

_She looked embarrassed and Maggie, knowing she was the reason, despised herself for it. Alex wiped her eyes before giving the inevitable tears a chance to escape, getting up from the couch and disappearing through the door before Maggie got the chance to stop her._

_"Alex!"_

_The box with the diamond ring still rested on the table._

Maggie inhaled. Swallowed down every doubt, every ounce of pride left inside her - every part of her that screamed to take the elevator back down and greet the warmth of morning sunlight alone.

She did not want to be alone anymore.

"I love you," Maggie trembled.

_Maggie's heart dropped. Alex was beautiful, and Maggie knew she was about to break the only thing that mattered to her. Her heart dropped, broke, suffocated - everything at once._

_"Marry me."_

_"Alex..."_

_But Alex realized what was happening before Maggie opened her mouth to say it._

"I love you, and I would love to marry you. if you'd let me."

The raindrops ceased to fall, sound of falling leaves replaced with shaky breaths and increasing pulses. And Alex did not close the door.


End file.
